⅓ Life Crisis: Knowing Who I Am
Your Aspie score: 154 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 41 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
I did not know they have a “label” for people like me who have a strong imagination and uses it more often than not: Visual-Spatial Learner/Thinker. When I was a kid, I relied a lot on it. Had a hard time in school.
The more I read and know about these things (VSL, Aspergers Syndrome), the more I cry. The more I wished that I had proper education fitting for someone like me, and wished I have known about these things early on to further help myself for the future.
Now at 30, a third (or maybe a fifth – a long-life!) of my life has passed. I could have done a lot of things. I could have ended elsewhere better.
It is very important for a left-handed person like me who is an INFP (Introversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception), an Aspie, and VSL to know these things early because we have to adjust, find ways to adapt, and are constantly struggling in many areas of our lives.
Today, my interests are varied and wide. Jack-of-All-Trades-Master-of-None. I sway from left and right. From logic to creative and back. I just now realized it is much harder. Harder because I ended up being someone who I am not. I ended up being someone the people around me, the world, wants me to be.
Time passed and it will never be recovered. I hate regrets and I don’t remember regretting anything. I guess this is the first regret in my life. But it was not within my reach, I had no idea about these things in the first place!
All I can do now is just go back to daydreaming. To imagine. It’s what I do best – to visualize things, to see the future, my future.
But despite all these, I can say that I am still happy with my life and my past. I wouldn’t be here if things didn’t happen the way it happened. I wouldn’t have known great people, even if just online, like YOU.
I probably wouldn’t have developed the attitude of “keep fighting, never give up”. I wouldn’t probably have developed the techniques I use today to “control” my self.
My life was hard, and it still is. I can guarantee to most of you “normal” humans that the life of someone like me is no ordinary life with no ordinary trials and tribulations. It will probably only get harder. But at least now, I have additional weapons because I am now aware of who I am. That nothing is wrong with me in the first place! That I’m not superman (people always tell me: we are not you; you can do it but we can’t), or even abnormal (above normal? Haha).
I’m just like you. As much as you are unique, I am also unique. We are no different but at the same time very different.
Call me eccentric, weird, or whatever word you want to use, that won’t affect me anymore because I now know who I am and what I am. It’s me. That’s what defines me.
So from hereon out, it is time for me to narrow down my interests and find that one or two or three things I want to be known for and excel at it. If you encounter me in your life’s travel, know that, I am an INFP, I am an Aspie, a left-handed (they say we are evil), and a Visual-Spatial Learner.
It is time to take back control and live the life of who I really am. Enough of the world dictating to me that I should be like the rest. It is not who I am. I will do things that best fit us. Not things that best fits the rest of the world.